Previously published in the Resonance New Poets Anthology (2023)

Bang me like you did against Barcelona;
a screaming 40-yarder,
finessed rabona.

Play me like a link-up with Giggs;
minus the injunction,
but with more of the jigs.

Dye my hair ginger matched to Pantone 10 50;
mould me like a FIFA 12 avatar,
make my reaction speed swifty.

Take me to Oldham,
(and I don’t mean the club),
give me a seeing to at the Boundary Park pub.

Indulge me in your ideal day in the life:
“Train in the morning, pick up the children from school,
play with them, put them to bed and then watch a bit of TV”.

Give me the hairdryer treatment like Fergie would do;
an aggressive verbal reprimand,
scream into my face the words ‘Man U’.

Whisper the sweet nothings of Zinedine Zidane in my ear:
“You’re complete.
I regret not playing alongside you”.

Never retire, o captain, my captain.
Be forever mine, you Red Devil,
You Paul Scholes.